Coming Out of Hiding...

So this is going to be a bit of a long winded post...

Some have noticed and emailed me to say so.. I have taken a bit of a hiatus from social media.
I DO appreciate the emails and posts I received. I cannot believe people actually noticed. That warms my heart.. truly.

These past two months have been a huge struggle for me. I was very open with the fact that I have been dealing with some pretty major dental issues that caused me TONS of pain and so much hassle that I don't even know where to begin...

It all started with what we thought was a cavity, which turned in to 11 dental appointments, 3 root canals, and finally an extraction. I saw my dentist, 2 endodontists, and a surgeon. I ended up getting a dry socket in the extraction site and had to get it packed.

The day after I had the extraction, I KNEW I was going to need it packed because the clot fell out and I could see it turning white very quickly (not to mention the tremendous pain). When I called the surgeons office, they basically told me I was med seeking and not to call back for a week because they wouldn't treat a dry socket until at least a week out. I was upset because I knew the only way to get rid of the pain from a dry socket was to pack it.. Pain meds only provide temporary relief to a problem that needs fixed and quite frankly I am sick of taking them. I work full time and go to school full time. My life doesn't afford me the luxury of being a doped up zombie.

The pain was so bad about 3 days out that I called my home dentist and explained what was going on. He then prescribed more meds and told me to call him over the weekend to let him know how I was (if I was still in pain, he was actually going to meet me in the office and skip a conference just to put some packing in my mouth to provide me some relief).

Saturday I was feeling MUCH better, so I told him that and figured I would just wait it out and see how I was feeling the following week. Well, Sunday night the pain had gotten so bad again that I knew it was either go to the ER (which again would only mean more meds and not a solution) or wait it out and call the oral surgeon Monday morning. I decided to wait.

First thing Monday morning I called the oral surgeon (I waited a week like I was told) and before I could even get out what I had to say, the nurse chewed me out for taking more antibiotics from my dentist and calling my dentist instead of them... Mind you, I DID call them, but they dismissed me and told me not to call back for a week. I went to the appointment anyway...BIG MISTAKE.

After a VERY painful procedure to pack my wound with oil of clove covered gauze, the surgeon YELLED and lectured me for "making him look bad" by calling my own dentist and not calling him. He wouldn't even let me speak! He just kept yelling. Eventually I broke down in tears and he told me I was "being too emotional"... Ok.... So you try being in terrible pain for 2 months with no end in sight with a million other things to do then get yelled at just for trying to help yourself and not be emotional. Fucking asshole.

That morning put me in a very dark place. I have been so depressed for about 3 weeks now.. I can't exercise because my jaw throbs with every step. My grades are slipping because I can't focus when the mouth pain gets so bad. My eating has just been terrible, though I am still losing because I do continue to keep track of calories. That being said, I don't think eating a bagel every morning is in my best interest... :( I'm finding that I just don't care. It's all too much to think about... I am trying to find the positive and thought I had, but it seems like it was just a tease.

The packing that the jerk put in worked wonders! I felt SO good all week. It was great finally feeling normal again.. I went this morning to have the packing removed (by my dentist) and he even poked around to see if I was still tender anywhere... NOPE! Yay!!... Not so fast, lady...

My dentist told me he wasn't convinced that my bone infection in the jaw was gone yet and I still had a slightly dry socket, but his system was down and he couldn't take xrays today. He wants me to call back Monday so I can come in for xrays.

By this evening I was in such terrible pain again... The dry socket. UGH. I just don't know what to say at this point. I am going to try my hardest to get back on the wagon and get through it. Its been two very long months. All I want in the whole world is for all of this to be over. Thank the Lord that classes end in less than a month, so I'll at least get a bit of a mental break, if nothing else.

This all has to end at some point, right?? It will get better??? :( :( :(